What about religions in Looland ?

 

The Daily Jakob, Tuesday, 31st, February :

 

Since the recent events which occurred in Hellin, your favorite newspaper suggests to recap the current situation for those who are lost.

 

Our Good and Wonderful God Dijkstra has been insulted by cruel opponents. Our mission consists in keeping you aware and in opening your eyes upon this potential danger.

Last Tuesday, a group of demonstrators committed an awful blasphemy, perturbing violently the sacred flash-mob of the week. Our community was supposed to dance the Macarena joyfully and peacefully, when some people sprang out from the shadow in order to boycott our ceremony. They switched off the sweet music of Macarena and began to dance the profaned dance of the demons : THE SHUFFLE. They appeared wearing disgusting flashy clothes, most of them were long-haired, told the witnesses, and were glowering at our community members while shuffling among them to frighten the dancers.

 

 
An audio extract in which you can hear the terrified dancers shouting during the attack.

 

These events can obviously be linked with the kiwi-attack that occurred last month : let's remember that the same kind of disgruntled people found funny the idea of throwing kiwis - the Forbidden Fruit - at the priest Bill Yves, who was severely wounded.

 

Bill Yves accepted to answer our question about his feelings after the kiwi-incident and the flash-mob's boycott, and thought it was important to keep faith.

 

Sansor Cheep : "How do you interpret the recent events? Should it be considered as an insult to our God Dijkstra ?

 

Bill Yves : “First of all, I feel personally insulted and betrayed... as though my soul had been soiled. I think I will have to follow a psychological treatment, a heart purification, and... a Soul Washing. THIS is an insult, and we will never accept to be threatened into renouncing to our faith.”

S.C. : “What do you plan to do to control the opponents ?”

B. Y. : “Our enemies are not as numerous as we are. If we improve our connection with our God Dijkstra, they will never escape from his hands. That's why I suggest we increase our number of interventions. Let me refresh the reader's memory : Twice a day, my fellows and I call people in the streets through loudspeakers, and we transmit to them Dijkstra's wisdom and orders. For instance, yesterday, they were told to wear pink ties and the day before yesterday, to eat five peppers to purify their soul. And we already have many others Dijkstra's thoughts to transmit to the dijktsrastors, our well-loved brothers. Dijkstra's Wisdom can't be denied.”

 

S.C. : “What about traditional songs and other practices?”

 B. Y. : “The daily prayer consists in  doing  exercises of mathematics while singing Elton John's songs, before going to sleep. The prayers mustn't be disturbed . The opponents could never profane this voice from Heart.  Besides, the number of flash-mobs will be increased so as to prevent our enemies from perturbing it. Weekly Flash-mobs are still the best way to gather dijkstrastors around common values.”

S. C. :"Tash for reminding our readers the main principles of our religion."

We will try to inform you about the following events, Chick !